I can’t sleep, so I come here to write. Seems as though when I finish emptying my heart here, the buzzing in my head settles down enough to where I can finally doze off.
Today is the first day off from work after a long and bitter work week. Per the norm, I unwound with fatty foods and a laziness for the ages. As the day comes to a close, my conscience rises up and nags about responsibilities. Relentlessly so.
Now when you look at my life, it’s quite modest. I’m a simple man, with simple pleasures, content to subsist via simple means. I have learned to be diligent about keeping contentment high and stresses low. I’m not so ambitious that I need to change immediately nor is there enough discontent to motivate such drastic change.
That little nagging conscience I referred to a moment ago, that’s a voice that, as of this moment, has no ground to stand on. I get it, I get it. He’s just doing his job and I need him to keep me in line. But, and it’s a large bulbous but, if you review the facets of my life and how I’m doing, I’m doing the best I’ve ever been. Sure there’s room to do better, still, credit where credit’s due.
No, I’m not the most sociable person in the world, a skill set that lends itself to networking; to enhancing celebrity status; things that help sell books. OK, more money would contribute to financial independence as well as overall security, not to mention facilitate a small art business. Let’s not forget good old fashioned hard work, which produces more, faster, and better quality. How could people, or publishers for that matter, ignore a goose that laid so many eggs; some of which might be golden?
It’s usually one of these three topics my conscience likes to bitch about at any given time. And, in all honesty, I have a hand in training the little guy to motivate me and keep me motivated. You know all those times where you just don’t feel like doing art? This little guy has pulled me through many of them, influencing me into doing the right thing. I respect him for that. Right now, though, right now he might be a little too aggressive.
I have a stable job and a comfy home. I keep fit in body and mind. I have a little crush at work that keeps my heart warm. Despite killing me at times, I’ve tenaciously held onto art dreams. I’m damned close to finishing the second in a series of books. I’m a good kind man who has plenty to be proud of.
In direct response to chasing celebrity, money, and productivity; all three are acknowledged. I have been and currently am addressing each. Responsibly. I’m not sacrificing my sanity, morality, or humanity in doing so. Fame, fortune, and legacy will be gotten to, but in their own time. My job, and what I need to remind my conscience every now and again, is simply: keep at it. And that’s exactly what I intend on doing, my friends.