Aholic

Yesterday no work and, because of the holiday season, no school. I drank and played video-games. It was a good day. This is my default setting, avoiding responsibilities, doing nothing, stroking vices; all day, and if I was allowed to, everyday. This, my friends, is dangerous.

It’s living in excess. Where one’s coping strategy is effective in a single aspect of their lives, but leads to gross side effects. Not much from hoarders, morbidly obese, workaholics, alcoholics, sex-aholics, whatever “-aholic” you want to call it. It’s a state of mind that is dangerous if left alone. I am susceptible to this state of mind, essentially to addiction.

I don’t know if it’s nature or nurture. I can tell you with some certainty I am an “-aholic”, an addict. I am fortunate that I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol (though I am pushing it), work, food, . . . I have my fix, its video-games, and I will always crave them. It’ll never be enough no matter how much I get. When I’m with them, I want more; when I’m away from them, I want to get back.

It’s a strange human condition, it’s my strange condition. One who is incapable of stabilizing their emotions internally, finds that emotion stabilization externally. Once that switch is flipped, there’s no going back. It becomes the top of that person’s priorities. There is nothing that person will crave more or work harder to get.

This here post. I have been pretty indulgent lately. Enough my conscience is starting to u. This week and last, with work being as sparse as it is, I’ve had a glut of free time. I know too well what to do with my free time. How to waste it marvelously. It comes at a price, though. All that hard work keeping responsible is washed away and replaced with impulse issues and feelings where nothing matters.

This here is the morning after. I have homework I am forcing myself to do and a class I am forcing myself to attend. There’s a good chance work will call me off, if they ask me, I will always say, “Yes.” More realistically, “YES!” That confessed, I know I need to go to work. It’ll be best for me, keep me mind responsible and in shape.

Let’s see how it goes.

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