School is nigh. Less than a half-hour away. I have my coffee drank and I’m waiting. Might as well attempt to bang one of these out while I do so. It gives me a place to do some meditation.
I’ve been anxious all weekend. What’s at issue? Things are going very well, A’s in school, opportunities at work, I have the free time I’ve been starved for. So what would Steve be nervous about, what could he be nervous about in light of such goodness? I’m waiting for those hopes and dreams to crash and burn, to disappoint me before they come to fruition.
How wrong, how cynical is that? Where I’m not allowed to hope or be excited for good things in my life, where my expectations are skewed towards the negative, when I am most comfortable when I am well downtrodden?
It’s soul rattling apparent what’s wrong with this psychology. I would do well to contemplate on this. I can see how such a mindset can affect other aspects of my life . . . There’s the alarm for school, I’ll continue this in a moment . . .
And a moment is had.
Continuing from where I left off at 8:30 am, it is now 4:32 pm. Everything I was worried over, has been confirmed. Confirmed positive.
I fret over a new work not hiring me because of some technicality, real or imagined. Nope. They are pleased. All that I do and what I’m about are great to them.
I worry of a teacher accusing me of plagiarizing a paper. I know I’m innocent but what to do when accusations fly? Nope. Turns out, overwhelmed by her strange school email, she accidentally deleted the original file. Steve, please send again.
Meanwhile, my current work calls me off, in other words, they ask me to stay home. A resounding, “YES!” from me. It’s like not having to go to elementary school, just stay home and do what I want to do.
I am mystified as to why my expectations were so horrible, I am beside-myself-giddy over how wrong I was. I feel like I won the lottery. It’s been a great day, a really really great day.