It’s a little early to have a beer, yet here I am having a beer. I have been hankering all week to play me some video-games, soon as this blog is writ, I’m gonna play me some video-games. The debauchery will begin soon, before it does, I’m gonna practice a few responsibilities. Among them, writing here.
School and homework loom large as finals are just around the bend. A take home test for sociology, math homework and studying for our third and final exam, English’s seven page research paper which I’ve inexplicably tripled with overly ambitious claims. Yeah, I got me some work to do. I’ll do that work and I will do it well, just in a moment . . . after some masturbatorial self indulgence.
Work, work is fine. I go and I trudge through what I have to do. To be honest, I have little issues there. I like helping my people and I enjoy how we become attached to one another. About how I make their stay away from home, just a hair’s breadth better. That part is very fulfilling.
Where I seem to struggle is in the economy of effort between my coworkers. There are some, like my morning crew, who are best suited to bitching about other shifts and coworkers whilst disregarding their own sins. The new girls who feign incompetence so that I might do their hard work for them (Which I hate to say, I do). The management who seems to focus on faults rather than recognize strengths.
I am reluctant to admit it but my coping mechanism has been to work with less effort and to break some rules more egregiously. In doing so, I find I can control over the bullshit I endure at work. I know what to expect my morning crew will bitch about simultaneously showing what they bitch about is empty.
The new girls, I do one or two or three favors for them before clearly stating, “Ok, that’s the last favor for the day.” This encourages more independence from them while allowing me more freedom. I am excellent at being independent whilst never asking for help, where I might be misunderstood is when I do their work out of generosity and not dependency. Gotta be careful about that.
Management, I always wear a scowl around them. If they see me as unsatisfied, they are less likely to task me with chores or criticize what I already do. I’ll be frank, what all of us CNA’s do for the pay we get is way too much. I find when I am the competent worker, or too competent a worker, I am punished by being tasked with more chores whilst be deprived any real compensation, mainly pay incentives.
As you can tell, this is all well thought out, intentional, and in response to the unjust culture of my workplace. There was a time, when I had stars in my eyes, where I was a solid A+ worker, but through the benefit of negative reinforcement and for my own sanity, I have transformed myself into a B- worker. I’m good enough to be trusted but not so good where I am not grossly manipulated.
My woman and I are in good standing. We’re not official anymore but we are amicable, which is precious to me. I need amicable. Good good practice for future relationships. One day I’ll get them right.
Ok, I’ve vented enough here. I have lunch to do and procrastination to attend to.