It’s deep into the night, or early into the morning, depending on how you look at it. I can’t sleep. Who knows why? As soon as I close my eyes I’m haunted by the ghost of girlfriends past. And when I’m not over thinking those decisions, I’m tormenting myself with trivial regrets. At least, that’s what’s happening tonight, as I attempt try to get some shut eye.
Uhg, believe it or not, spirits are high. At least, I’m OK with myself and my place in the world. I don’t feel particularly stressed. Work is meh, I’d like to get paid more but what else is new? I’m plenty weary from today’s long slog. I have no social life to fixate on. I’m not drunk nor am I wired. Not hungry or thirsty. By all logic, I should be in a restful slumber snoring like a congested hippo. Yet, here we are.
School junk is going according to plan. I’m learning me some algebra and geometry soes I don’t have to pay thousands of dollars I don’t have for classes I doubt I’ll need. I am feeling more and more confident each time I watch them math tutoring videos. I bet if I do a google search I can find some online tests to practice on.
I have a book haunting me. When I’m all alone I think to myself that no one will notice if it’s late or on time or ahead of schedule. That kind of thinking allows me to procrastinate like a bastard. There are a couple of people out there that care. I would like to satisfy them; you know, make them proud. If nothing else, I’ll get to dedicate the book to my brother and best friend. A promise I made to each of them when I released the first book way back in ought six (2006). I also have myself to finish it for. Little achievements like that do help a feller’s self esteem.
Why do I falter now? Is this considered faltering? I do have work and I do have school and, sometimes, I have someone. Still, my guilt confuses the issue. Even if I did finish the book, I wouldn’t know what to do with it. Just like the first . . .
Alright, I’m starting to get tired and crabby and that is starting to show up here. I’m gonna go try bed again.