Deleting

I’ve spent some time deleting my various internet accounts. Facebook, twitter, even my homepage. The act of doing so brings me pains and pangs. I revisit those things with which I invested so much love and time into. Those feelings multiplied when I decided to check on ex’s. My heart feels weighted. I’m not sure how to wring the excess emotions from it. I came here in an attempt to cope. How am I doing?

I think when any person, not just me, reflects on loves lost, the nostalgia is overwhelming. The second guessing is stinging. The fondness is there, and just as deep. Just a bit different. Memories have a way of distorting themselves. Time has a way of adding lichen. Pardon the cliche when I say, Those times, those feelings all seem so far away.” I suppose I never expected the distance to be so vast. I’m humbled

Life’s lessons, right? We all get our fair share of loves and hates; victories and defeats. This “human experience” stuff is potent. I can see why we people visit this perspective so infrequently. Too much would be too much. The business of regular life would slow and crawl, otherwise.

I like my life now. I’m more oblivious. I’m happier for it. I’m not done yet, I still have a ways to go. The trip, though, the trip has been gentle. Much kinder than where I’ve been. Both are significant. How would I be able to tell one from the other without having experienced both?

I do have an appreciation and reverence for the past. Looking back, things look . . . “fraught” is the only word that comes to mind. The present feels alright. Pretty nice, actually. The future looks better. I will have my bumps along the way, I know. Those bumps will be nothing in comparison to the jagged rocks and threshing current I’ve survived.

I’ve got my direction back. I have my humility. I have my hope. I have my simple pleasures.

I’m gonna be ok

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